吕国博士 | 高手的说话4大方式：心态、思维、技巧、实操

北京阳光创译语言翻译有限公司董事长吕国博士经常在内部会议上告诉我们高手的说话4大方式：心态、思维、技巧、实操，高手说话，可能简单几句，就能让对话者茅塞顿开。高手说话，没有华丽的词语，却能让与之沟通的人如沐春风。那么高手说话的功夫是如何炼成的呢？

Dr. Lv Guo, the Chairman of Beijing Sunshine Creative Language Translation Co., Ltd., often tells us about the four key aspects of speaking like an expert during internal meetings: mindset, thinking, skills, and practice. Speaking like an expert can have a profound impact on the listener with just a few simple sentences. It doesn’t rely on fancy words but has the ability to make the person being communicated with feel refreshed. So, how is the art of expert communication cultivated?

【真诚第一】想要与人顺畅的沟通，首先要有真诚的心态，不玩虚的、不做作。内心的想法最终都会投射到人的只言片语、肢体动作以及表情上，所以不要认为内心的想法别人察觉不到，弄巧成拙不如敞开心扉，用最真实的一面与人沟通。说的好有用，但行为更重要。

To have smooth communication with others, it is essential to have a sincere mindset and avoid being deceitful or artificial. Our inner thoughts and feelings will eventually manifest through our words, body language, and expressions. Therefore, it is important not to assume that others cannot perceive our true intentions. It is better to be genuine and open-hearted when communicating with others. Speaking well is useful, but actions speak louder than words.

【一视同仁】不管对话的角色是谁，都保持对等的心态。面对三教九流的劳动者，能够慈眉善目、平静温和，以尊重的心与他们说话；面对位高官旺的大人物，也能够不卑不亢，以高贵的心与之交流。

Maintaining an equal mindset regardless of the role in the conversation is important. When interacting with people from diverse backgrounds and walks of life, it is crucial to approach them with kindness, calmness, and respect. Whether it is addressing laborers from various professions or high-ranking officials, one should communicate with a compassionate and noble heart, treating everyone with dignity and without being subservient or arrogant.

【点到即止】高手做事，做七分，留三分余地，说话也是一样。一方面，不会长话连篇，让对话者无法消化，这也是对人的尊重，留出让人思考的空间；另一方面，不会把话说满，世事无绝对，所有的事都是发展变化的，留三分余地更是认真负责的做法。说话先走心，然后要走脑子，最后才是表达出来，有了良好心态，下一步需要锻炼优秀的思维。

Masters in any field tend to do things with seventy percent effort, leaving thirty percent room for flexibility. The same principle applies to speaking. On one hand, they avoid lengthy monologues that overwhelm the listener, as it is sign of respect to allow space for the other person to digest the conversation and reflect. On the other hand, they do not fill every moment with words because is absolute, and everything is subject to development and change. Leaving that percent room for flexibility is a responsible and conscientious approach. Speaking starts with genuine emotions, followed by thoughtful consideration, and finally, effective expression. With a positive mindset, the next step is to cultivate excellent thinking skills.

【知识储备】说出来的话，只是冰山的一角，海面以下是长年累月的学识积累。知识的储备，不是为了炫耀自己懂得多，而是为了让说出来的话言之有物不偏不倚。知道的，不隐瞒；不知道的，不妄言。储备知识，提前做功课，是高手说话的基本功。

The words spoken are just the tip of the iceberg, while beneath the surface lies years of accumulated knowledge. The purpose of accumulating knowledge is not to boast about how much one knows, but rather to ensure that what is said has substance and impartiality. It is important to be honest

【逻辑清晰】清晰的逻辑，能让对话者更快速的理解你要表达的想法，让对话的效率更高。一方面体现在说话的条理上，先说主干思想，再展开细节描述。高人说话总是“一二三”排开，不是为了模仿领导做派，而是为了表达更清晰。另一方面体现在说话的严谨上，说出来的话是经得起推敲，可以自圆其说的，不会给人胡言乱语的感觉。

Having a clear logical structure can help the listener understand your ideas more quickly and make the conversation more efficient. This is reflected in the organization of your speech, where you present the main idea first and then provide detailed explanations. Skilled communicators always arrange their thoughts in a logical order, not to mimic someone’s style, but to ensure clarity. Additionally, rigor in speech is crucial. Your words should withstand scrutiny, and you should be able to provide sound reasoning that doesn’t give the impression of speaking nonsensically.

【换位思维】说话之前，先站在对方的角度换位思考一下，再使用合适的方式与人交流。这与“心态篇”提到的“一视同仁”并不矛盾，反而是对人真正的尊重。思考对方想要达到什么目的；思考对方能接受什么样的表达方式；思考对方能理解的知识范围，采用他能明白的词汇；……能够用换位思维去说话、做事，是高手与普通人在思维方式上的分水岭。依托于心态和思维，说话的技巧最重要的一个字是“度”。

Before speaking, it is important to take a moment to consider the other person’s perspective and communicate in a suitable manner. This is not contradictory to the concept of “treating everyone equally” mentioned in the previous section, but rather a genuine form of respect. It involves thinking about what the person to achieve, what kind of communication style they are comfortable with, and what knowledge they can understand, using vocabulary and language they can comprehend. Being able to communicate and act with empathy and perspective-taking is the defining line between experts and ordinary individuals in terms of mindset. Leveraging both mindset and thinking, the most crucial skill in communication is finding the right “balance” or “degree” in your approach.

【速度适中】一方面体现在语速上，既不要老态龙钟故意太慢让人失去耐心，也不要像机关枪一样太快让人着急上火。另一方面体现在说话的层次上，循序渐进，既让人听明白，又让人乐意接受你的主张。

Indeed, one aspect of finding the right “balance” in communication is reflected in the pace of speech. It is important not to speak too slowly, which may make others lose patience, nor too quickly, which can leave them feeling overwhelmed or anxious. Another aspect is the level of complexity in your speech. Gradually building upon your points allows the listener to understand and be more receptive to your ideas.

【音量适中】根据不同的场合，合理控制音量。私密的环境中，音量不宜过大，不要让对话者有压迫感；公开的场合，音量不要太小，让所有人都能听到你说的是什么。

Based on the context, it is important to control your voice volume appropriately. In private or intimate settings, it is best to avoid speaking too loudly, as it may make the listener feel overwhelmed or pressured. In public settings, on the other hand, it is important to ensure your voice is loud enough for everyone to hear and understand what you are saying.

【适当的幽默感】适当的幽默感，能让说话的气氛变得轻松愉快。即使是严肃场合，配合适度的幽默，拉近了与对话者的距离，能让沟通更高效。但幽默一定要适度，过分的逗比就喧宾夺主，影响表达目的了。

Having a sense of humor can make the conversation atmosphere more relaxed and enjoyable. Even in serious situations, incorporating appropriate humor can help bridge the gap between you and the listener, making communication more effective. However, it is important to use humor in moderation. Excessive or inappropriate humor can overshadow the main points and hinder the intended message.

【适当的表情和肢体动作】配合适当的表情和肢体动作能让表达更清晰、更准确。在一些场合，表情和肢体动作更能调动起听众的情绪，促成良好的交流与互动。

Indeed, using appropriate facial expressions and body language can enhance the clarity and accuracy of your expression. In certain situations, facial expressions and body movements can evoke emotions in the audience and facilitate better communication and interaction. Nonverbal cues such as smiles, nods, and gestures can convey understanding, engagement, and empathy, making the conversation more effective and impactful.

【适当的修辞】使用符合场景、听众能听懂的修辞方式以及词汇，能让听众的记忆更深刻。

【对家人】不要以为是自己最亲最近的人，就可以放肆地耍脾气。相反，面对你一生中最重要的人——亲人的时候，反而要用最温和最真心的方式与他们说话、与他们交流。【对朋友】对朋友说话重点是，不要装。不要站在高人一等的角度跟朋友说话，不要把你熟悉的专业词汇挂在嘴上，有时候甚至说话糙一点，更能拉近跟朋友的关系。

【对领导】与领导说话：要言简意赅，清晰地表达出你要说的内容；讲清楚事情之后，可以简要说一下你对利弊的分析，供领导参考；提出问题的同时，最好提供一两套解决方案，让领导做选择题，而不是问答题。

【对平级】与平级说话：要照顾对方的面子，不要越过对方的专业领域过度指点别人的工作；要帮对方想路子，站在对方的角度考虑他可能需要什么样的帮助，主动提供帮助会有更多的人愿意帮助你；

【对下属】与下属说话：不要摆架子，虽然是工作关系上的上下级，但从人格角度，你跟任何人都是平等的，尊重你的下属才能获得尊重；多表扬多鼓励，多说一些表扬、鼓励的话，能让下属的积极性更高，不要吝惜你的表扬，某种角度来说表扬下属是你必须要承担的责任。纠错的同时要给予指导，下属做事不到位的时候，不能置之不理，也不能光骂人不教人。指出下属错误的同时，一定要给予响应的指导，否则就是对下属的不负责。

【对客户】与客户说话：先拉近关系，不要急于推销你的业务，先拉近与对话者的关系找到你们的利益共同点，对方才恩呢刚听进去你说的是什么；帮对方解决问题，与客户说话之前，先要搞清楚对方面对的问题是什么，在对话过程中表达出你能帮他解决问题的态度和信心，对方才能接受你的观点。

以上，话的心态、思维方式、技巧，以及实际的场景中的主意点，需要长期的锻炼。而更长远来看，高手说话当时的表现是一方面，更重要的是与说完话后续的行动，行动才是最说服力的语言。做一个表里如一的人，一个言行一致的人，你也能成为一个高手！