七夕特辑|完美恋人修炼手记

爱情萌发只需要一秒,但却需要一辈子去经营。永保爱情甜蜜的重要前提之一,就是把自己变成一个称职的爱人。今天,小编就带大家一起来学习爱情修炼手册~

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1
They love and accept their partners for who they are.
爱TA的一切
Yes, people can change, but not all that much. So if you are constantly trying to motivate your spouse to do something small that they don't want to do, like exercise more, or quit smoking, or be more assertive about their needs at work, that's awesome, because that's the kind of work partners should do for each other. Supporting each other in what we want to do in life is a beautiful thing. But the wholesale changing someone who, say, likes to surf more than she likes to work into a career-focused individual, trying to make a city guy into a country-living fan, or convincing someone who doesn't want kids that they should have them is dangerous, and you're bound to be disappointed when — shocker — they continue to be themselves. You can help your partner change small things about who they are, but if you aren't into a major aspect of someone's personality, you shouldn't try to create a life with them.
虽然人会改变,但是江山易改,本性难移。所以,如果不断地对你的另一半潜移默化,让TA从小事开始改变,比如多做运动,戒烟,工作更上进,那就太棒了,因为这是爱一个人应该努力的方向。支持爱人实现心愿是人生一大美事。但是要想彻底地改变一个人,那你势必会失望。例如,让一个冲浪爱好者变成工作狂,让城里人乐于归隐田园,让丁克一族相信必须要生个孩子,那简直就是在玩火。不要过于震惊,因为他们不会做任何改变。你可以让你的伴侣小小地改变自己,不过你要是不喜欢他的本性,就别枉费心思和他共度一生。
2
They don't skimp on the snuggling.
不要吝啬拥抱
Like most mammals, human beings have a strong desire to be held and touched by the people closest to us — regular physical connections are incredibly important, and that's proven by science. According to a Psychology Today essay on the literature about affection and happiness, "There was no connection between the amount of physical affection and amount of conflict [for a couple], but cuddling/holding, kissing on the lips, and hugging were all associated with how easily the couple resolves the conflict they do experience."
和大部分哺乳动物一样,人类渴望亲密爱人的拥抱和爱抚——时常的身体接触至关重要,这一点已得到科学证实。《今日心理学》杂志的一篇文献研究论题是爱与幸福,研究表明,身体亲密度和夫妻矛盾之间没有必然联系,但是依偎、接吻和拥抱可以使矛盾更容易化解。
3
They really listen.
善于倾听
Cultivating good listening skills is good for all kinds of relationships, from those with your siblings and parents to those with your friends. But so many people tune their spouses out — the very people who need and deserve your focused attention. What's a greater act of love than really taking the time to listen to what someone you love has to say?
无论是和兄弟姐妹,还是和父母、朋友相处,善于倾听都是非常必要的。然而,许多人却关闭了对另一半的倾听之门——而他们正是最需要、最值得你关心的人。花点时间,认真聆听爱人吐露心声,还有什么比这更加有爱呢?
4
They don't expect their partner to "make them happy".
幸福要靠自己动手,不要期望假手于人
Only you can make yourself happy — that is work you must do from the inside. Of course, you can ask for love and support from your partner to achieve goals that will make you happier, like request daily meditation time, or time off for a retreat, or whatever else you need to get to a happier place, but you are the only one ultimately responsible for your happiness.
幸福只能由自己创造——这得靠你自己内在的努力。当然,你也可以从另一半那里得到爱和扶持,让自己过得更加幸福,比如告诉TA你需要每天用一点时间来静心冥想,希望偶尔自己独处,或者其他能让你自己更开心的任何需求。但是最终,要想过得幸福,你只能靠自己努力。
5
They talk it out — and keep talking.
彼此坦诚
Everyone always says "honest communication is key" — but few do the work to make that a reality. Having fights or disagreements is natural and healthy. It's what you do after them that matters. Talk it out (this means you will have to say what you really feel) and listen closely. Keep going. Keep listening. Then keep talking, until whatever it is that made you angry or sad is past, and you are actually talking and listening about the deeper issues that got you fired up to begin with. This is real work; it is hard, but it is incredibly rewarding, bringing you closer to your partner and bringing a greater understanding of yourself and them.
常言道“真诚沟通是关键”,但是能真正做到的人寥寥无几。争吵不和是再自然不过的事,甚至有益无害,真正重要的是争吵后你的所作所为。说出你的心声,也认真聆听对方的倾诉。且说且听,聆听心声。彼此的所言所听都是在挖掘引发争吵的症结所在,一直说到所有的怒火和悲伤都烟消云散。这才是有效的沟通,很难做到,但这能使你和另一半走得更亲近,并更加深入地了解彼此。

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